Simple Hobby Homesteading

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It’s me, Zelda.

From the cave of Zelda, guinea pig extraordinaire.

The last two months have been quite perplexing for this little guinea pig. Things were going great… I had my own condo, tons of fresh veggies, hay, pellets and even some fruit when I threw an especially big squeaking fit. Pear tree branches all for me to nibble on to my heart’s desire. The lap of luxury, yup, I was cradled nicely in that lap of luxury.

Whenever the family reached in to pick me up I would run around like crazy and they usually gave up and went on to my neighbor, The Duke of Wesselton.  He just stood there, begging to be picked up, strange fellow indeed. He had been my neighbor for several months and I was just beginning to be able to tolerate him from a distance when suddenly he was thrust into my world. Not next store anymore… he was IN my space. My bubble… my lap of luxury. INVASION!

The day started off all innocent… the hobby farmer lady reached in to pick me up, I ran and hid, she tried for a bit to catch me and then she gave up. Success. As expected, she shifted her attention to Duke. She reached in, he just stood there and sure enough, she picked him up. “You’re a good piggy… what a sweetie…” blah blah blah, whatever.

Then she did it, she just PUT HIM IN MY WORLD, right in it! He looked at me, I looked at him, and lettuce, carrots, apples, and all sorts of other treats were thrust right in front of the both of us. Who was I to complain? We both munched happily and I guess that was the start of the end… I got all mushy feeling, he gave me a little wink and yes, my heart was won.

Life went on and we settled into a routine. Some chasing, mostly eating, a little romancing here and there, napping, nose twitching, twig chewing… you know, the typical piggy stuff.

Then guess what? He was taken away. My Duke was TAKEN AWAY! Piggy napped, all points bulletin, be on the lookout, my lovey piggy has disappeared! I tried to tell him to run like a maniac whenever a hand came into our little den of love but nooooooooo, he wouldn’t listen. He was snatched from me in the dead of night with no goodbye.

Well, when I woke up I did find out where he had gone. Apparently, he just moved back over to his bachelor pad. I gave him the silent treatment… he tried to woo me back into his good graces but I was having none of it. I have sworn off relationships for good.

Still me, Zelda.

The weeks passed and I noticed the family getting more and more tenacious with the petting, handling, and in general poking and prodding. Apparently they think I may be pregnant and all of a sudden some bizarre Google searches are in the works.

“How to tell if my guinea pig is pregnant…”

“What is the gestation period of a guinea pig?”

“Is guinea pig birth difficult?”

“How long do guinea pigs nurse?”

“Signs of a guinea pig pregnancy”

“Size of a guinea pig litter”

“Is loss of hair around guinea pig nipples a sign of impending birth?”

“Signs of labor in guinea pigs”

“What should the diet be of a pregnant guinea pig?”

Bizarre, just incredibly bizarre. I am not pregnant. You should see some of the weird responses that came up from these searches. Today the woman actually held my tummy up to her ear to see if she could hear babies (apparently Google told her to do it). Google, stop it, just stop giving this woman really weird advice. I have gained some weight, I am not pregnant, deal with it.

A little junk in the trunk…

Please someone tell this family to just leave me be. Keep throwing in veggies, fruit, and other treats, but other than that just leave me alone to gain my weight without judgment. While you are at it, tell The Duke of Wesselton I am still not speaking to him and no, his apology is not accepted.

Sincerely, in all sincerity,

Zelda

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