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OK, so this has been on my heart for weeks as I have watched my youngest son dread, complain about, and try to weasel his way out of getting braces. He’s 9 (10 tomorrow… double digits buddy, buck up and move on about the whole braces thing!). Should I expect joyful obedience from my sons in matters which they do not agree, like, or feel happy about? In this case our youngest son is very close to disobedience and I can tell you right now that’s not tolerated in our household.

Apparently I (mom) am ruining his life and I really think he should be an equal opportunity blamer… son, dad is ruining your life too, we agreed on this whole braces thing. He got the braces on late last week but showed no signs of joyful obedience. He wore all black, got black rubber bands and picked out a black sweatshirt, t-shirt, and bag from the orthodontist office. Apparently braces= mourning  death. He’s been wearing a lot of black ever since.

He readily admitted several times that day and for the days to follow that he was glad he got it over with and that it wasn’t so bad but still feels he was completely justified for his “drama” leading up to it. So not only does he recognize that he was not joyfully obeying his parents he actually feels justified in his behavior and attitude… this, my friends, infuriates me.

Youngest son with his black braces

Isn’t it amazing how our kids seem to find the particular things that drive us completely crazy? Like we expect them to know better, do better, and think better than we did at that age. If you’ve ever uttered the words, “I can’t believe he/she did that” then you sit in the same boat as me as an imperfect parent and an imperfect person (sorry to burst your “I’m really super close to perfect” bubble). Why can’t we believe it? Is it really worse than the things we did as kids or even adults?

So, why do I expect my son to joyfully obey me when I demand he do something that I know is in his best interest but that he REALLY does not want to do? Ummmmm… because I know better and it’s way more pleasant and comfortable for me to see joyful obedience than it is complaining, arguing, and downright disobedience. I don’t enjoy dealing with the tough aspects of life and parenting so if everyone could just joyfully obey me that would be great (want a ticket to my dream world show?).

Now that I sound like a control freak and mother with extremely high expectations let me explain why I do in fact expect joyful obedience from my sons. It comes down to the fact that they are commanded by a power much higher than me to joyfully obey. First and foremost they are to joyfully obey God’s commands. Guess what, one of those commands is to obey their parents. Score for parents! I also expect joyful obedience because I know they are capable of it and when it becomes the standard it pushes selfishness and the “world revolves around me” mentality out of their heart.

With that being said, parents we need to be outstanding role models for what joyful obedience is. Do you begrudgingly do the dishes, complaining the entire time and threaten to switch your family to styrofoam dinnerware? How about cooking dinner and the million other areas you provide for your family and upkeep your home? Heading to church or Bible study? Heading to work or working late? Is it a chore or do you joyfully obey God’s commands to worship with fellow believers and learn His word? God doesn’t just expect  obedience from children, he expects it from us! If I see my own sons straying from joyful obedience I need to first look at what kind of role model I am being for them.

All right, so now I’ve gone on and on and complained about my son’s lack of joyful obedience but what can be done to turn things around? Well, what was done was done and there’s not much to be gained from lamenting and dwelling on past sins. We learn and we move on. Let’s concentrate on the present and the future. My husband and I need to take a look at how we are parenting… we need to realize and teach our sons that Biblical obedience is complete, immediate and clearly displays joy. Kevin and I taught our sons from the very beginning that obedience was all the way and right away (have I mentioned Kevin is a Marine?) but we left out a very important aspect and part… “with a joyful heart.”

Leaving out the “with a joyful heart” when teaching your kids gives them liberty to whine, complain, and have a negative attitude while obeying. Obedience with a negative attitude is not what God wants nor is it pleasing to parents (or those around our kids). So are we up a creek without a paddle or can this be fixed?

Can we fix it? Well, follow Bob the Builder’s cue and just shout, “Yes we can!” Is Bob the Builder still around? He was our younger son’s favorite if I remember right… might have been oldest son. Anyone remember Bear in the Big Blue House? That was most surely oldest son’s favorite and he had a Bear that he would carry around, rub the silky tag on the bottom, and completely rub off all the hair of poor Bear’s bum while sucking his thumb at the same time (hello braces for oldest son due to that!).

How do we fix it?

Step 1: Expect Biblical obedience. None of this wishy washy, “do you want to…”, “how about we…” “wouldn’t it be fun to…” Wishy washy parenting leads to wishy washy kids who have a hard time determining when to and when not to submit to authority. Determine your own “family rules” and establish a strong family identity in Christ by expecting your children to obey authority (you, teachers, daycare providers, etc.). Set them up for success and expect them to obey (check out step 2 when things don’t go as expected)…

Step 2: Consequences. Yup, there are always going to be consequences to our actions. When kids disobey it is our duty to administer consequences in a faithful and consistent manner. When a child’s disobedience is met with consequences children learn the law of the harvest. God has built the principle of sowing and reaping into this world we live in and it is important for kids to see that picture and get that principle throughout use of consequences, teaching, and guidance.

I’m never a fan of administering consequences to our kids but I am to be obedient to the commands God has laid before me. I am blessed to know that God understands how I feel and provides encouragement…“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11 ESV). I can’t ignore His commands just as I can’t let it slide when my kids ignore His commands.

Step 3: Watch out for who your kids keep company with. I am far from the “helicopter parent” but I do scrutinize my boys’ friends closely. Your kids’ minds are still developing and habits are being laid every day. If the majority (or even 1 or 2 close buddies) of the kids they hang out with have troubles obeying parents and other authority figures your child will most likely follow suit. Wouldn’t it be nice if your kid was the one who stood up and helped those kids learn to obey authority? Probably not gonna happen… that’s a lot of expectation and pressure for a kid of any age. Most kids prefer to follow what everyone else is doing so help your kids surround themselves with a good group of friends who respect authority and have a heart for joyful obedience!

“Train up a child up in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6 NKJV).

I don’t know about you but I have some work to do so I’m off to train up some kids… joyfully!

Youngest son says, “oh great…”

Jhenna

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