Simple Hobby Homesteading

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All right, depending on what “stage” of motherhood you are in some of these will resonate more than others… As of today I have a 15 year old and a 9 year old so that gives you a clue of where I am coming from! Go ahead, judge me, it’s kinda fun… I write this as my sons are daring each other to shoot the other (bare chests) with nerf guns and nerf bows and arrows… so I guess I know I’m a mother when I don’t step in to stop them. Darn that Duck Dynasty and its introduction of “Red Belly Rules”

“Owwwwww why would you shoot me? I didn’t think you would really do it!” Moving on…

1. You have a secret candy stash that you don’t even tell your husband about.
2. You unconsciously rock back and forth in the presence of any baby or little animal.
3. You take it personally when strangers do not wave back at your baby/toddler.
4. Legos, plastic animals, and matchbox cars are your personal World War II mine field.
5. Olive Garden IS fine Italian dining.
6. You have to feign interest in things you really have no interest in (think GI Joe story plots, what fingers smell like, how often the dog farts, fun facts about Hitler etc.).
7. Your kisses can cure the near amputation (as a child would have you believe) of a limb.
8. You can’t wait for them to say “mama” and then when you become their personal slave you wish they would hurry up and learn to say “dada”
9. Goldfish crackers are their own food group
10. You take a million and one pictures for the kids’ scrapbook that will most likely never be completed (or in my case, started)
11. Yes, you have teeth, hair, and possibly a belly button cord “stump” in a treasure box somewhere… you are creepy… oh wait, you’re a mom…same thing.
12. You find yourself playing ” I dare you” with your child when it comes to eating vegetables. It may even go to double dare, and if it’s brussel sprouts you are talking double dog dare.
13. You’re first kid has an awesome detailed baby book. Your second, not so much. Your third child…you are sure you got one as a gift but can’t find it. Your fourth child… ummm they look a lot like the first child so they can share a book.
14. College savings plan? More like “future therapy” savings plan (yes I made my oldest son help me butcher chickens so we are upping the amount we add for a couple years)
15. Your husband says, “This is why we can’t have nice things” way too often.
16. You wish there was a drive thru everything.
17. You clean the house and the kids ask, “Who’s coming over?”
18. You cross your legs when you sneeze or cough.
19. You fake diarrhea to get a 10 minute immediate break in the solitude of the bathroom.
20. You seriously wonder what you did with your time before kids. Did you just sit around and look longily into your husband’s beautiful eyes? Yup, I’m sure that’s what we all did
21. You watch Sesame Street long after the kids have left the room and then justify it to yourself or anyone else by saying, “They have really cool singers, entertainers, actors, actresses on there and cookie monster is teaching me good eating habits now!”
22. You hear yourself say things like, “Don’t bite the dog”, “Take your foot out of your mouth” (literally), “Do not eat your toenails”, “No I will not smell your finger… well ok I will.”
23. That 10 minutes alone in the bathroom is like a mini vacation especially if you are able to sneak in a cool beverage (or coffee), your phone (or iPad), or a book!
24. Someone is conversing with you while you are sleeping.
25. You mix your kids’ names up (sometimes even interchanging them with the pets’ names) especially when you are angry or frustrated
26. Your young kids drop their pants in public, comparing parts, and you simply say, “Where is your mother” with a serious face.
27. You seriously cannot stand the “man hugs” that they give their father in which arms go out, they move towards each other, but there is no contact, UGH! That is not a hug!!
28. You literally cannot stand the phrase “Oh I forgot” or if you have teenagers, “I don’t know”!
29. You swear up and down you will never make 3 different dinners for picky eaters, but you do.
30. You can’t help but smell the tops of all babies’ heads.
31. Cutting a tiny person’s fingernails terrify you.
32. Therefore you chew off tiny person’s fingernails.
33. You have chewed up food to feed to your baby (think meat)… don’t try to say you haven’t!
34. You beg your oldest child to get his/her license ASAP so he/she can run errands for you.
35. You think you can cut hair (I thought I could, I can’t).
36. You have whole conversations through the bathroom door because you refuse to leave your little fortress of solitude.
37. Your husband takes the kid to the park so you can relax and you instead spend the time “cleaning up”
38. Everyone tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps and instead you sit, obsessively watching the baby sleep.
39. Your heart feels like its going to explode the moment you hold that child in your arms.
40. Your heart feels like its going to explode again the day that child leaves the nest.

What are your “You know you are a mom when…” moments? Let me hear them!!

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